


red

by iridescias



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Moving On, this is more of a vent fic lolol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25353676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iridescias/pseuds/iridescias
Summary: a rose's life depends on johnny's ability to move on.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	red

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Love Poem by IU on repeat for the majority of the time I wrote this..it put me in a sad mood so I decided to write this, even if it's a little short... enjoy ^^
> 
> Thank you MURAKAMIKAZE for watching over me while in the process of writing this~ I dedicate this to you

It was the eve of the first anniversary Johnny will spend without Jaehyun.

Where before he would always be given roses by Jaehyun for their anniversary on this day, Johnny now is the one to give them to him by placing them in front of his gravestone. 

Jaehyun peacefully passed in his sleep fairly recently. He had fallen ill a year ago and both his and Johnny’s lives twisted around. But even so, Jaehyun continued to slowly progress with his life trying to do the same things he always did until his body couldn’t last to wake him up another day. 

That night, Johnny had held him tight and once Jaehyun’s heart stopped beating, he woke up and cried into his chest. Jaehyun’s hands have always been cold, but they felt colder. Johnny held them regardless and spent the rest of the night on him.  
  
After the funeral, Johnny’s life had been empty. All he can think about is how to move on.

_I wonder if any flower could last as long as the person who receives one’s life does_ , a thought entered Johnny’s head from one night where they went to Jaehyun’s favorite flower field on his birthday three years ago. He looked at the garden Jaehyun had tended for years and even if Johnny tried to keep them alive, most of the flowers had dried and they were all the roses.

Jaehyun was known for having a green thumb, every plant he touched would bloom with life. Johnny would say that it was if nature was his best friend. And it wasn’t only nature that he was good with, he was gentle with Johnny as well. How he’d express his love for him with roses and poems made Johnny’s love for him bloom beautifully.

Perhaps fate untied the two because they lived in the right place during the wrong time and Jaehyun could not have one thing to overlap the other. He was good at hiding his feelings all the time until the day his workplace called Johnny to tell him he had fainted and fell down a flight of stairs. It was not until then that it registered in his head that he, the man who loved him as much as he loved nature, would leave him some day.

Jaehyun was discharged from the hospital eventually and his smile became more faint as the days passed. He spent his days outside tending the garden more than usual and wrote to Johnny more than he did before. He even put a flower in Johnny’s hair and told him he was as pretty as one, which every now and then makes his chest feel tight. 

What Jaehyun knew that Johnny didn’t was how and when he’d die. Jaehyun knew he wasn’t well, he knew he was in pain for a long time and his body was giving in to it. But he didn’t tell Johnny that because he wanted to spend his last days making decent final memories rather than making him upset.

At least, that’s what he had written in his journal.

Johnny read Jaehyun’s journal whenever he missed him and wanted to hear his voice in his head again. Pretty handwriting that filled up several pages, drawings of whatever he had seen or done that day, and a rough sketch of Johnny himself. He hadn’t gone far enough to read what exactly Jaehyun’s last thoughts were because he didn’t want to cry anymore. 

A bookmark slid out of a page he hadn’t read yet and he turned to it. Most of the page was crumbled and Jaehyun’s handwriting wasn’t neat as it was in previous pages. He tried straightening the page and his heart nearly stopped when he read what he said.

_Everything hurts more than it usually does. I’m a ticking time bomb at this point...I can die any day (or even minute) from now. Next week, it’s me and Johnny’s anniversary. I don’t know if I can make it to then...but regardless I would like to make him feel extra special these days._

_I told him he looks pretty as one of the flowers in the garden and it made him happy. I like seeing his smile, his smile is all I’ve ever lived for. Even on days where I didn’t feel like myself seeing his smile made my entire day. I love him._

_I wrote before that I didn’t want to hurt Johnny by telling him the truth of what I felt these days, and right now especially I want him to not think about me as much in that way...if I even make it to then, I want to tell him about the house I bought near the flower field I love so much. If I don’t tell him...he’ll probably find out eventually (I know he reads this journal, his scent is always in this room and one time my journal had his cologne scent)_ . _I wanted him to always have me in his heart even if I’m gone, because my soul will always live in the flower field._

Tears filled Johnny’s eyes and he pulled away the journal to not stain the pages. His anniversary gift last year was the house they passed on their way home from the trip years ago. Jaehyun wanted that house to be his so he could remember him with the scent and view of the flowers. He’d imagined that house was empty so he took note to buy boxes to take his stuff over with him.  
  
Johnny dried his tears and read the next page which was all about the house Jaehyun had bought.

_I left the key in the box where I put my bracelets. I made a keyring just for Johnny too._

Johnny ran into his and Jaehyun’s room and opened the box.

In there was his silver chain bracelet, his bead bracelets, and a key. Johnny picked up the key and saw a keyring with a fake rose coated in resin. He put it close to his chest and continued reading the rest of the journal entry.

_I bought some things I feel Johnny would like and decorated the house while I was gone the other day. I remember him telling me he wanted a new piano since the other one started falling apart from how old it was...so I bought him one too. I don’t want him to give up his hobbies because of me leaving him soon._

Johnny set aside the journal and headed out to buy boxes to pack things and move soon. When he came back to start packing some of his items, emptying out the shelves provoked a feeling of emptiness in his heart.

Especially when he grabbed the frame of the photo he and Jaehyun took together on their first date. Johnny wiped the dust off the glass and stared at Jaehyun in the photo. He ran his finger through the photo.

_I wish I could see you again_ , Johnny thought. _I need your smile to comfort me the most right now_.

. . . . .

Johnny’s car was filled with boxes of his and Jaehyun’s belongings. He had given away his furniture to his neighbors and friends and said his goodbyes before driving hours to the house.

Before going on the highway, Johnny passed by the cemetery and he laid down a bouquet of roses next to Jaehyun’s gravestone and softly said,

“Happy seven years.”

He took out Jaehyun’s chain bracelet from his pocket and set it next to the bouquet. He had tied a red ribbon on it and wrote his name on it.

“I’ll see you in the flower field,” he said. “And one day, I will join you there.”

. . . . .

The ride was lonely to Johnny. Even if the road was bustling with cars the emptiness in his heart blocked out all of the noise. He was missing Jaehyun, when he’d sing his favorite songs on long rides or tell jokes that would leave the two of them almost dying of laughter.

Johnny passed by the cafe that Jaehyun fell in love with after they first visited the flower field. The table he remembers they sat at was unoccupied and for a brief second, he imagined Jaehyun drinking his coffee and eating the small cake Johnny had bought for him.

_“The coffee here smells so good,” Jaehyun said. He dug his hands in his sweater and raised the cup to his lips and after taking a sip he held both of Johnny’s hands. “It’s warm, like you.”_

_Johnny took out a cake from a paper bag and handed it over to Jaehyun. He grabbed a bit of the frosting and put it on Jaehyun’s nose, and stuck out his tongue to try to lick it off._

_“Why, you-” Jaehyun got up from his chair and kissed Johnny. Now both of their faces had frosting on it._

_Jaehyun’s ears turned red and he pulled up his hoodie to hide his embarrassment._

_“Hey, why are you hiding?” Johnny asked._

_“I did that in front of other people, my whole face has cake frosting on it now, and my ears turned red,” Jaehyun said. His voice shaked a little and Johnny immediately lowered his hoodie and cupped his face._

_“You’re cute,” he said. “Don’t be embarrassed, your red ears make you look like a rose.”_ _  
__  
__Jaehyun’s hands were on Johnny’s face too. They felt cold, but Johnny didn’t mind. He kissed him again and wiped his face afterwards so he could eat his cake in peace._

_“I like how it tastes,” Jaehyun beamed. “Do you want to try a piece?”_ _  
__  
__“That’s only for you,” Johnny said. “I bought it for y-”_ _  
__  
__Jaehyun shoved the piece in Johnny’s mouth and smiled at him. The face Johnny made at him made Jaehyun laugh._

Johnny has felt no peace other than the sound of Jaehyun’s laugh. Even when his health declined his laughter still sounded the same despite how much he imagined it hurt to laugh. Loud, hearty, contagious. It was his happiness and not even the memory of his laughter could bring him the same peace his actual laughter did.

He focused on the road instead of his feelings for the remainder of the drive and before he knew it, he had arrived at the house Jaehyun had bought for him.

A small, pastel blue house waited for him down the road. Surrounding it were large trees, bushes, and plenty of flowers. The field was minutes away from the house.

Johnny lowered his window and smelled the air. The scent Jaehyun loved so much was the scent he’ll live around for the remaining years of his life.

Upon parking his car, he didn’t think of unloading the boxes from it. He ran towards the door and unlocked it, and the scent from the wooden floor welcomed him into the house. Looking around, Johnny saw many decorations of things he liked. Rose paintings, a fountain, a shelf filled with the same books Johnny read at a library, and once he turned on the lights of a room, the piano Jaehyun talked about.

On top of the piano lay a letter Jaehyun had written, in his favorite ink color, red.

_If you’re reading this now, either a burglar found you and gave this to you, or you yourself came to this house because you read my journal._

_Jokes aside, I’m glad you came here. I’m hoping you feel at peace in this home that I gave hints of ‘me’ to it. Why did I take the time out of my short-lived life to buy this for you, you’re probably wondering. I wanted to repay you for giving me life in the days where I didn’t feel as if I had one. All the memories we shared together made me want to fight for my life and try to experience more with you._

_Although luxury is not enough to give a person happiness, I wanted to buy you this house so you feel closer to me. I wanted you to always have me in your heart, your mind, your soul. I understand you may be broken by me possibly being gone at this point, but you have to realize that in order to live a healthy life you must move on gradually without having your heart ache all the time because of me. If you are sad, I will appear to you in the form of a withered rose in your garden or even in the field if you ever go there._

_You don’t want to see me wither do you?_

_Keep me alive._

_I love you._

  
_-Jaehyun_ _  
_

**Fin**.


End file.
